Trapped With No Way Out .

Hidup bersama kenangan yang belum mati bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah. Apatah lagi sesuatu kenangan yang baru sahaja berlalu pergi. I guess i was supposed to fall for that trap. I haven't doing much of that lately. Maybe i'm fixing myself to get immune to pain because recently, I haven't been getting any of that. Any of anything, in fact not relief, not guilty, not satisfaction, not sadness and sure as hell not pain. Dan yang paling menakutkan aku, not feeling.

Tapi itu semua ke yang aku mahukan ? To lose my sensitive side, to become cold-hearted ? Now that i got it, i'm not sure if it's a keeper. Because laughing after realizing i'm hurt is simply anomalistic. I just want to, merasai kembali. Feel again. Sekarang aku takut, takut sekali. Takut kerna kenangan yang baru pergi akan sentiasa datang kembali sampai buat aku rasa sayu. I'm scared of these feelings that suddenly appeared and no matter how hard i tried to fight it, i realized i was only lying to myself, dan sekarang aku tak tahu macam mana nak tempuhinya.

Perempuan yang cacat disebelah jiwanya. Akan tetap berdiri walaupun bengkok. Sering menipu diri sendiri dengan mencipta seribu alasan dan jawapan hanya semata-mata ingin memujuk hati yang telah mati. Soalnya, sampai kapan ? Dan itulah aku sebenarnya. It won't heal anything, it won't take back any action. It won't rewind time. Aku kuat, tuhan bagi aku kudrat untuk lawan semua ini. Tuhan takkan menguji umatnya kalau umatnya tidak mampu. So, i've trained myself to walk away from anything that i know would only hurt me.  Its time to save myself from the heartbreak. Dan itu yang sedang aku cuba lakukan. Like i said, its not what i want. But i know its for the best. Aku akan cuba tidak akan mengeluh lagi.